Fellowship of the Seventh Light debates allowing female telepathic vision-clerics

Via America’s Finest News Source:

“It is the Singular Essence’s will that our holy prophet Raymond was male, as were the initial Six Believers whom he entrusted with the Inward Knowledge,” read a statement issued Monday by the group’s governing body, the Acolyte Council. “Therefore we cannot condone any trans-dimensional communications, tomorrow-visions, or human or animal castrations performed by a woman.”

The harsh decree was reportedly directed toward Seventh Light members who see the ordination of women as the only way to manage the cult’s current shortage of telepathic-vision clerics, a problem that has grown in recent years as more clerics are defrocked for engaging in sex with underage disciples who have not yet undergone the ceremonial Rite of Public Deflowering.

“Simply put, the telepathic-vision clergy is spread too thin,” said Mary Rho, 39, whose views on the issue have resulted in her expulsion from the group’s compound. “Their time is consumed by minor administrative issues, such as overseeing the daily distribution of catheters or tallying the week’s offerings in the blood troughs, leaving them with almost no time to monitor AM radio for signs of the prophesied wormhole.”

“At this point,” Rho added, “I don’t see how the Council can afford to turn away any clerical aspirant—man or woman—who’s willing to undergo the mandatory blinding.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: