“It is the Singular Essence’s will that our holy prophet Raymond was male, as were the initial Six Believers whom he entrusted with the Inward Knowledge,” read a statement issued Monday by the group’s governing body, the Acolyte Council. “Therefore we cannot condone any trans-dimensional communications, tomorrow-visions, or human or animal castrations performed by a woman.”
The harsh decree was reportedly directed toward Seventh Light members who see the ordination of women as the only way to manage the cult’s current shortage of telepathic-vision clerics, a problem that has grown in recent years as more clerics are defrocked for engaging in sex with underage disciples who have not yet undergone the ceremonial Rite of Public Deflowering.
“Simply put, the telepathic-vision clergy is spread too thin,” said Mary Rho, 39, whose views on the issue have resulted in her expulsion from the group’s compound. “Their time is consumed by minor administrative issues, such as overseeing the daily distribution of catheters or tallying the week’s offerings in the blood troughs, leaving them with almost no time to monitor AM radio for signs of the prophesied wormhole.”
“At this point,” Rho added, “I don’t see how the Council can afford to turn away any clerical aspirant—man or woman—who’s willing to undergo the mandatory blinding.”
Posted on August 5, 2010 by Bento