Q & A

(above) Deep-fried butter.

A dialogue:

A friend:

I just learned there is such a thing as deep-fried butter. How should I feel about this?

I:

You should be ecstatic. Because if you can produce deep-fried butter by frying butter in more butter, you can deep-fry that in more deep-fried butter, producing deep-fried butter-fried deep-fried butter, then frying that in a mixture of itself, producing deep-fried butter-fried deep-fried butter-fried deep-fried butter, then deep-fried butter-fried deep-fried butter-fried deep-fried butter-fried deep-fried butter, et cetera ad infinitum, until the continuum collapses into a Butter Event Horizon of infinite calories.

After falling through the spacetime rift, you will land in Buttarsoom, the fat-solids world. The locals will revere you for your lack of coronary heart disease, which bestows you with strength godlike by their standards. After melting their enemies, the Margarinites, you will reign as Queen-Warlord of Buttarsoom, and your likeness will be rendered in butter sculptures at state fairs for a thousand years. Today is a great day–day one, year one of your regency. Ask not what greases the hinges on the gates of glory–FOR IT IS BUTTER AND IT IS FRIED!

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